Assertive Style Communication

Elements of the Assertive Style

  1. Mottoes and Beliefs
    • Believes self and others are valuable
    • Knowing that assertiveness doesn’t mean you always win, but that you handled the situation as effectively as possible
    • “I have rights and so do others.”
  2. Communication Style
    • Effective, active listener
    • States limits, expectations
    • States observations, no labels or judgments
    • Expresses self directly, honestly, and as soon as possible about feelings and wants
    • Checks on others feelings
  3. Characteristics
    • Non-judgmental
    • Observes behavior rather than labeling it
    • Trusts self and others
    • Confident
    • Self-aware
    • Open, flexible, versatile
    • Playful, sense of humor
    • Decisive
    • Proactive, initiating
  4. Behavior
    • Operates from choice
    • Knows what it is needed and develops a plan to get it
    • Action-oriented
    • Firm
    • Realistic in her expectations
    • Fair, just
    • Consistent
    • Takes appropriate action toward getting what she wants without denying rights of others
  5. Nonverbal Cues
    • Open, natural gestures • Attentive, interested facial expression
    • Direct eye contact
    • Confident or relaxed posture
    • Vocal volume appropriate, expressive
    • Varied rate of speech
  6. Verbal Cues
    • “I choose to…”
    • “What are my options?”
    • “What alternatives do we have?”
  7. Confrontation and Problem Solving
    • Negotiates, bargains, trades off, compromises
    • Confronts problems at the time they happen
    • Doesn’t let negative feelings build up
  8. Feelings Felt
    • Enthusiasm
    • Well-being
    • Even tempered
  9. Effects
    • Increased self-esteem and self-confidence
    • Increased self-esteem of others
    • Feels motivated and understood
    • Others know where they stand